Keith Lemon: The Film (2012) Review

 When Leigh Francis (in his guise as Keith Lemon) announced that he would be making a feature length film even his biggest fans were left scratching their heads. As a comedian who has made his name in sketch shows and hosting quizzes, it seemed strange that he would choose to take on silver screen.

Only it isn’t strange, not from the perspective of a film studio. Last year The Inbetweeners showed that given the right story, the right set of characters and the right release date, the British cinema-going public were willing to follow their TV heroes into the Multiplexes. So with Keith Lemon, star of Celebrity Juice, Lemon-aid and Lemon La Vida Loca , it seems logical the nation’s favourite TV character can translate to a bigger format with bigger financial gains.

So Keith Lemon: The film is the rags to riches tale of aspiring Leeds-based businessman Keith Lemon. Arrogant, stupid and ginger (sorry, strawberry-blonde.) Rather than grow his securi-pole business organically from Leeds he decides to flog them at a convention in London. At the convention he is praised for his showmanship and is given the rights to a new technological wonder – a mobile phone with no buttons. With his attention diverted, and unable to do basic maths, he accidentally orders a million units from the imaginatively named Evil Tony. Evil Tony then kidnaps Keith’s girlfriend. Meanwhile, sales of the “Lemon Phone” take off and Keith attains the lifestyle of his dreams – including the affections of Kelly Brooke.

If just reading the plot summary seems tedious, this is nothing compared to watching Keith Lemon: The film. It is a film whose main story-telling device should be the inclusion of the phrase “and then” between scenes. It seems that the script and plot were rushed through the treatment stage so quickly that someone forgot to actually include jokes. Instead the audience must sit through 90 minutes of teeth grating irritation.

The main problem with Keith Lemon: The film is that Francis’ comedy has always been an acquired taste. Some hailed Bo Selecta as genius, while others were confused by the stupidity of an oversized mask with a silly voice repeating the same catch-phrase driven nonsense. The fact that many of these characters make cameos in the film shows that Francis’ love of repetition hasn’t run out of steam.

Whereas, Celebrity Juice is anarchic, immature and amusing in a guilty pleasure sort of way, Keith Lemon: The film makes no attempt to be original and never disarms the audience enough to make them laugh. Only one particular “love making” scene between Keith and Kelly Brooke (who actually impresses with the lengths she is willing to go to in order to get a laugh) raises a chuckle. It is almost as if Leigh Francis is appealing below the lowest common denominator of intelligence. He is carving a niche of comedy aimed at the type of people who still wear “Garlic Bread” t-shirts and laugh at shiny objects.

Keith Lemon: The Film is destined for the bargain bin and the fact it received a cinematic release at all is a slur against cinema. At no stage does the film attempt anything close to production value or cinematic experience. Each set looks like it has been rejected by The Mighty Boosh for looking too cheap and low budget. The fact that the production is so shoddy only helps emphasise the film as a money making exercise to exploit gullible cinema-goers.

While the producers may have been looking to tap into the Inbetweeners movie-feel-good-hit-of-the-summer-market, what they actually create is the modern day Ali G in Da House. A fictional TV host who tickles the funny-bone with barely a 50% success rate on the small screen is suddenly asked to stretch their act to 90 minutes. Keith Lemon: The film is the equivalent of the luminous, cheap shots served in Weatherspoon’s. Weak, toxic and hangover inducing.

Scores 1 out of 5

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Go and see if… you have an IQ lower than the cut of Kelly Brooke’s dress.